Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
