he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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