Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
