Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
