Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
