..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
