I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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