she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
