I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Drake has all the answers
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
