EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
