guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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