i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
