i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
