there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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