ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
