i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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