She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
