I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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