It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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