Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
