Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
