My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
