I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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