that's an acceptable place to lick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
