Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
