btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
