You really coming over, don't trick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
