maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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