Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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