Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
