Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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