During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
