May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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