i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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