Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
