There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
