I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
