I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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