I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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