Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
