angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
