So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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