Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
