woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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