shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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