Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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