I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize