Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
