Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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