what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
