at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
