Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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