She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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