If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
