Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm gonna fight the coyote
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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