On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
