i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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