did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
