rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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