I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
