i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
