Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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