i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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