The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
