i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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