sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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