he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
