dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
