I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
