I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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