I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize