He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
