Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
